Childfree by Choice

Published on February 24th, 2013 | by Rayne

17

Calling yourself a parent to furbabies is offensive

I’ve already done a post on this letter but I want to revisit the letter and dismantle the condescending fail within it because I’m a bitch like that.

Dear Childless “Parents” of Dogs,

It’s “Childfree” not “Childless”. Childfree refers to the desire to never have children. Childless refers to wanting children but not having them yet. If you’re going to bust an ovary at us – get our communities name correct first.

I’m not sure how much longer we can remain friends. I am getting worried that I might flick you in the eye next time you say that you understand what it’s like to have kids because you have a dog.

Call me the next time your canine keeps you up all night sucking on your nipple. Then, we’ll talk. <—– Case. Point. End of letter.

You’ve never raised newborn puppies have you? You know the tiny defenseless manically shitting furballs who need around the clock care? The ones who will grow into young puppies who need full time attention because you can’t just leave them in a bathroom with newspaper and water. They develop behavioral problems if neglected for too long.

Just kidding. I’ve got a mouthful for you today.

High horse please. Thank you. Now listen up.

Oh goody! This will be as fun as a rectal cleanout.

Your dog is just that, a fucking dog. Nothing more. You can dress her up, carry her in a purse, wipe her ass…. I don’t care – it’s still a dog. What’s that you say? Your dog is “really high maintenance,” and she’s “your baby”?? Try putting an actual baby in a cage while you go to work for the day and see what happens. Your spoiled little fur ball might be a pisser when you come home, but it sure beats jail time.

Whoa, tone it down there. I think the height of the High and Mighty Elitest Wank Job pedestal you’re perched on is having adverse affects on ability to not be a fuckwit.

Way to put animals under humans on the value ladder. You do realise animal neglect is a punishable offense under the law?

I wonder how often you get to bathe in jail. Speaking of bathing, how often do you wash your dog? Mmm hmmm. I’d be curious how long until a child would be taken from you for neglect if you bathed a child that often.

This statement smells like the author implies that dogs don’t need as much work therefore it isn’t as hard – a fully grown dog maybe but last time I checked – teenagers were independent creatures able to feed and water themselves. Dogs can’t open pantry doors looking for food.

I’m also curious when your dog started sleeping through the night. I’ve heard your dog wakes up early – say 5, 6am? Interesting. Take that wake up time and then add a few years of multiple nighttime wakings, combined with actually having to get them to sleep in the first place, and you’re right – you *totally* understand what having a child is like.

Blah blah being a mother is so hard because I wake up a lot. Blah blah being a mother makes me selfless. Blak blah I’m so good because I’m a mother. Again, you’ve never raised newborn puppies have you? Or had cats with separation anxiety issues with no way to separate yourself from them for a few hours so you can get sleep because you live in a studio apartment with a combined bedroom/kitchen/laundry and a small separate room for a toilet.

By the way, how long does it take you to put your dog to bed? You know, between brushing her teeth, wrestling to get pajamas on, reading stories, singing songs, etc. How long does it all take? How many times does your dog call you back for a drink of water or a tissue? For a sock that’s just a little crooked? Never? Oh, that’s weird – she just goes to bed?

You don’t get to whine about how motherhood is hard because you chose that path. If you don’t want to have to deal with all that – you should have aborted or adopted or used a condom or had a tubal.

One might say it’s starting to look like dogs and kids actually are different…

Not really. Both are dependent creatures who rely on others for survival except kids will eventually be independent. Dogs are domesticated and lack skills to survive in the wild unless they go feral.

But we haven’t even covered meal times, school, or doctor’s visits. What voodoo are you performing to get your dog child to just eat whatever the hell you give her?
Please do share.

This whinging mummy just doesn’t fucking shut up. I’m starting to think she’s taking such personal offense to some childfree people equating their pets along the same status as children because of deep emotional problems.

Also, regarding the parent teacher conferences, I assume your canine kid is well-behaved and making good grades?

Only after a fuckload of work at expensive obedience schools.

I suppose if your smart ass realized how different dogs and kids really are, you would have noticed that I’ve been to the doctor more in the first 6 months of my healthy baby’s life than you have in 6 years with a healthy dog, but you didn’t notice.

You were too busy judging my life, which “isn’t as hectic as I make it seem,” because you understand “exactly” what I’m going through since you’re a “dog parent.”

You’re awfully judge-y for someone who is pissed off about being judged.

All I have to say is “suck it.” Better yet, let your dog suck it. That’s right because if you actually let your dog nurse on you all night long then you really might understand what having a child is like, but in that case, we wouldn’t be able to be friends anyway you creep.
Love,
Your (non)Friend with Kids

There you have it folks, the asinine ramblings of a mummy martyr. This article was never about “kids and dogs are different” – the author is just pissed that she forgot to copyright the term “parent” to refer to people who have human babies. We love our children with fur, they’re still dependent on us for survival. We are in essence their parents.

As a childfree person, I don’t judge parents for making the choice to have children, I judge the parents (and non-parents) behaviour and call them out on it. If you’ve made the choice to have children (or animals), by all means rant about it but don’t be shocked when you get no sympathy from childfree or animal free person – we know what parenthood entails which is why we’ve opted out of it. You made the choice and now you’re stuck with it – should have done your research on it. Suck it.

You don’t get a high horse to sit on because a condom broke and a cranky looking potato popped out of your vagina. You don’t get to invalidate the experiences of individuals with animals just because you’ve bred.

And you certainly don’t have a copyright on the term “parent” either.

The entire article reads like the author is feeling pissed that someone dare use the same term she does because don’t you know being a mummy is so hard that if someone else uses the term “parent” and they don’t have human babies – it might invalidate her experiences? (sarcasm).

Suck it author. Your experiences as a child parent are not affected by a dog parent using the same term. Your experiences aren’t invalidated. You just want to lord some perceived superiority over others by claiming the title of “parent”. It’s the only explanation I have for someone so adamantly opposes the term “dog parent”.

“If they use parent to refer to looking after a dog, my parent status isn’t special anymore”.

Cry me a fucking river.

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About the Author

Goth. Metal music. Tea. Books.



17 Responses to Calling yourself a parent to furbabies is offensive

  1. Animal lover says:

    I am CF and have pets but I don’t feel the need to call myself a parent or call my pets (fur)babies. No matter how you want to see it, ‘parent’ and ‘baby/child’ are connected with humans having offspring. I don’t need a substitute for something that I don’t WANT (children) or something that I don’t WANT TO BE (parent). So why borrow/claim these terms?

    • Rayne says:

      We aren’t borrowing them. A parent or guardian is someone who looks after a dependent person. Regardless of biologly or species. The term accurately reflects our role looking after animals.

  2. Animal lover says:

    If you consider yourself a parent and your pet as a child, are you still ‘childfree’ then? ;) No kidding, each to his/her own. I feel fine being ‘just’ a pet owner, I guess :)

    • Rayne says:

      Human childfree ;-)

    • Grackle says:

      “Guardian” sounds more appropriate than pet “owner”, though, and so does “parent”, even though I’ll agree with you that the latter is a little odd. Regardless, it doesn’t bother me one way or the other whether people who have companion animals want to call themselves “parents”.

      Not that I’m even remotely comparing the position of a childfree person to that of a gay person struggling for her/his rights, but the author’s rant reminds me of how some homophobes insist that the word “marriage” should ONLY refer to a female-male partnership, as if the word will lose some of its magical power by being associated with those yucky gay couples.

  3. Ratzsa says:

    I will admit I didn’t read the whole thing through because lazy, so I can not really comment on everything of course. But something that annoyed me was the whole thing with children not sleeping properly and all that. Ever considered that if you DIDN’T raise your children to believe in the boogeyman, monsters under the bed, mister Sandman, Jesus and all other weird and inane stuff, maybe they would start appreciating nighttime and actually do some sleeping during it instead of being awake half the night terrified of a damn shadow?

    • Rayne says:

      I remember being at mass in grade school (I went to a catholic school) and crying because I was scared a man named Jesus would kidnap me and take me away.

    • Flora says:

      I was not aware that Jesus Christ keeps kids up at night in terror. You might be doing something wrong at your house, especially since most people use Him to convince their kids that someone is protecting them at night (same with the Sandman).

      Also no one teaches their kids about scary stuff that comes to get them at night – no parents with sense, anyway. I think that’s the job of sadistic older siblings & other kids who heard it from their siblings.

      • Rayne says:

        Depends on the family or person. Some people certainly use the jesus and god character (and the concept of hell) as a way to keep their children or people in general doing what they want. (“Don’t do this or god will get angry” “Everytime you masturbate, you make baby jesus cry” “god hates gays, you don’t want god to hate you, do you?”)

        • Flora says:

          I have never, in the entirety of my life, heard anybody say that to anyone, let alone their children.

          But people DO say things like “God doesn’t like it when you lie” or “Jesus cries when people get hurt”.

          Sensitive topics like the ones you just mentioned are usually simply ignored (and they’re sure as shite not going to bring “baby Jesus” in on anything).

          Are you sure you’re not just quoting those psycho “Christians” you see on TV?

          • Rayne says:

            It does happen. I went to a Christian primary school (elementary school) and the threat of hell or god smiting you was used a lot. Especially in mass. It happened a lot in the families of the religious students.

  4. Dora says:

    It annoys me when parents complain about their bratty children and then complain even more when we lack sympathy. It anooys me even more when they call us selfish and then point out how we have an easier life so should PITY them (“yeah it’s ok for you because you have so much f**king free time” ect). At the end of the day, no one forced you to have kids. Equally, I hate it when people say that it’s ‘only’ an animal. They never say it to people with blind dogs, do they? But of course people that belittle animals would feebly say that they “don’t count”.

  5. xyz says:

    i believe they were referring to childless parents who were unable to physically conceive their own children. they’re in denial about not being able to be parents so they treat their pets as they would a baby. they walk them in a stroller instead of a leash, read them bedtime stories, etc and try to give parenting advice to those who have children. for example they see a parent trying to get their kid to eat vegetables and respond with “i understand. my fido is such a picky eater we constantly have to switch dog food brands!”

  6. cca says:

    I swear this woman is an idiot holy FUCKING shit, as if bonding with a dog has somehow ended the “value” you have towards other humans? Hey fuckwit, ever thought that maybe an animal is all a person can conceive? That maybe because of assholes like you (that enjoy categorizing every aspect of human culture) these so called “fur parents” can’t connect or bond with other humans based on an impossible and untenable perspective of what “attractive” is so they find comfort in an animal who doesn’t judge them and who doesn’t see them for what they look like but rather on how they are treated.
    Let me tell you something, you cunt, comparing a sleepless night with a baby to that of an animal is completely unfair. Its as if I would compare my sleepless nights studying to that of a parent who spent the night comforting a baby. So what? My education is more or important and more gratifying because it was harder and more complex than that of a person making dumb ass fucking faces and singing unbelievable and idiotic songs to an infant whose only care in the world is to shit eat and sleep? For fuck sake lady stop being such an asshole

    • Rayne says:

      The author of the article was incrediably offensive, almost venomous. She *really* does not like the parents of pets.

  7. Rose says:

    I cannot STAND people like this. The lady CHOSE to have kids, and she’s acting like she’s some fucking martyr?

    Listen, honey, pets are part of the family. People have emotional connections to their pets, and it’s important to them that their pets are happy and healthy. You know what would happen if you just bought a dog and let it be? It would die. And unless you were a heartless bitch, you would grieve. Because pets are important, and pets matter.

    I repeat: you CHOSE to have your dumb baby. Yeah. You gotta carry the damn thing around for nine months, push it out, and then let it suck your boobs and change its nappies and listen to it cry as a baby and whine as a teenager. If that sounds unappealing to you, why did you fucking have kids in the first place? Go get a nice puppy if you think it’s that easy to raise one.

    Thank you, Rayne, for being sensible. These people are so pretentious and “holier than thou,” it drives me insane. I respect a woman’s choice to have kids, and I know it’s hard, but there are some shitty parents out there. They whine and mope and wallow in self-pity because they went and got themselves pregnant. If it was an accident, or if they were raped, it’s a different story, but these ladies (and guys) are like “omg im gonna have a cute lil babu!!” and then one the brat is born they start whining about “U DONT KNOW HOW HARD IT IS!! IVE SACRIFICED SO MUCH, BEING A PARENT IS THE WORST THING THAT COULD POSSIBLY HAPPEN TO U!! BUT HAVE KIDS ANYWAY BC IF U DONT UR SELFISH!!”

    Pardon my ranting. I get angry about this. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll go cuddle my four-legged, furry baby – that I chose to have and work hard for – and read more of Rayne’s amazing articles.

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