Published on February 16th, 2013 | by Rayne


How to be a happy healthy queer person

I was engaged in an interesting conversation on Twitter last night. The conversation started with this Twitter status:

“I don’t see what the problem is with the word “faggot”. The word doesn’t bother me.”

Well done for you then (sarcasm).

I get called a dyke a lot. I get called dyke a lot in a tone that suggests that the word “dyke” was meant to be an insult which is moronic because it isn’t an insult for me; it’s a statement of fact. It doesn’t affect me but that doesn’t make it any less of a horrible thing to say.

In my area the word “faggot” and “dyke” are typically screamed out of car windows as idiots with small penises drive past, the phrase “you look like a faggot” is used (particularly by certain people around me) to insinuate that being gay or wearing something that results in someone believing you’re gay is somehow wrong.  People use these slurs as a weapon to hurt people because in their small minds, there is something wrong with being gay. These people are bullies and bullies thrive on making people feel like crap. If they need to make people feel like crap and their way of doing that is to use words as a weapon – take the weapon away.

So to be a happy healthy queer individual one must learn the art of annoying the fuck out of bullies by taking all their power away.


Bully: You’re a fucking faggot.
Me: Yes, yes I am.
Bully: But you’re a fucking dyke!
Me: Dude stop starting an obvious fact. You’re looking stupid.
Bully: Filthy fag.
Me: Only in bed. The ladies love it.

The bully above wants me to feel insulted, they want a reaction from me. Not any reaction but a specific reaction of feeling bad. By not feeling insulted and upset, the bully gets confused. Bullies are idiots and because they believe there is something wrong with being gay, they expect a reaction that indicates the person they are insulting feels insulted and upset.

You can see where I’m going with this.

When a bully expects you to be insulted because they think being gay is something to feel insulted about and you don’t – their entire world turns upside down.

I do enjoy fucking with people. A lot.

The secret to being a happy healthy queer person (whether you be gay/lesbian/bisexual/trans/intersex/asexual etc) despite the negative things that may come your way – is to not give a flying fuck.

It’s a fuckload more liberating to not care what people think than to be wrapped up in a fear of judgement from douchebags who incorrectly believe they are entitled to spew any opinion that pops into their small mind. Spending your days worrying about what others think takes away from your ability to be productive and a preoccupation with changing yourself to suit the ideals of others takes away from your ability to live for yourself. You lose your sense of self and in turn become the product of other people instead of becoming a product of internal love and self acceptance. Instead of allowing others to have power over your self esteem and identity, take it back and love you for you.

Learning to love yourself is a hard task especially when the world is full of fuckbags like these people but the sooner you learn to shoot down their arguments with logic, you take away their perceived justifications for being a bully. If you take away all the reasons they were hanging onto to justify their phobia or hatred, they have nothing left but to accept that they are just ignorant arseholes.

It really is quite sweet when you see the recognition in their eyes that they are nothing more than an ill-informed arsehole.

The secret of being a happy healthy queer person is how you perceive the bullshit that will come your way. It’s not a matter of if but when. Either you can be affected by it at every turn and let it upset you or you can view it as something to laugh at because of the sheer ignorant stupidity of it all. It doesn’t work all the time, I still do get upset when I’m bombarded with phobic arguments especially when they’re used successfully to influence governmental policy that will negatively affect my life but I use that upset emotion positively and redirect it in more productive ways like helping to campaign for equal rights or helping the queer youth in my area.

Surround yourself with supportive people who will fight with you and learn from you.

And learn to love yourself. How are you going to love other people if you can’t love yourself first?

Things to check out:
Unhelpful Thinking Styles
Workbook for learning assertiveness
Workbook for overcoming body dysmorphia – building body acceptance
Workbook for improving self esteem

If you like some of the things I say – feel free to add me to your RSS feed, comment or email me: rayne@insufferableintolerance.com. I now have a facebook page! Feel free to like my page by clicking here!


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About the Author

Goth. Metal music. Tea. Books.

One Response to How to be a happy healthy queer person

  1. Pingback: Resources from queers and their friends and family Insufferable Intolerance

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