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I’m not attracted to Halle Berry, that doesn’t make me racist
I got called racist the other day.
I didn’t use the word “Nigger” or anything like that; I didn’t tell a black person that they couldn’t sit next to me on the bus because they were black. I mentioned that I wasn’t attracted to Halle Berry.
Apparently that’s racist. You know, not being attracted to someone. Like we all have to be physically and sexually attracted to everyone or else that’s discrimination.
Now I don’t know about you, dear readers, but I think Halle Berry is wonderful. She’s intelligent, honest and a hard worker, all of which are excellent attributes but I’m just not attracted to her (just to clarify I’m a white gay woman).
And that’s okay.
Contrary to popular belief a person isn’t obligated to find everyone on the planet attractive.
Now if I were to say that I wasn’t attracted to Halle Berry purely because she was black – that would be racist. In my subjective opinion Olivia Wilde is attractive; Margaret Cho is attractive however I’m not attracted to them either.
There’s a large difference between finding someone attractive and being attracted to someone. Finding someone attractive is when their looks and personality appeal to you, you turn your head around as they walk past. Being attracted to someone means that their looks and personality appeal to you, you turn your head around as they walk past and you’re intrigued by them enough that you want to get to know more about them. You wonder whether they would be the type of person you could see yourself in a relationship with. You entertain the thought of something more than just “They look my version of nice”.
People all have different subconscious criteria for being interested in someone enough to pursue a relationship. For some, it’s seeing someone that they subjectively find really attractive and wanting to get to know them more based on that – a little shallow but don’t lie to me, dear reader – we’ve all done it. The first glance we get at someone is based on their appearance, whether they fit our internal criteria of “attractive” or not. After we get to know them, we can check off other internal criteria and slowly develop an attraction to them. Are they funny? Do we have similar interests? Do they find me interesting? Oh, she likes cats – excellent etc.
So while I find Halle Berry attractive because she fits my subjective criteria of attractive, I don’t know anything at all about her to develop an attraction to her and to say I was attracted to Halle Berry based purely on the fact that she fits my subjective criteria of attractive – is shallow and really creepy.
The comment got me thinking, if it’s racist to not be attracted to someone, does that imply everyone needs to fine everyone attractive in order to spare some hurt feelings? No, of course not. That would be silly. People have the right to not be attracted to someone because everyone is different. We’re not obligated to find everyone attractive and just because we don’t find everyone attractive – that isn’t a reflection on the person we don’t find attractive.
Let’s pretend that I don’t find Halle Berry attractive for a minute. That isn’t anything against her, it’s not her fault that she doesn’t fit my criteria and she isn’t obligated to fit my criteria. She doesn’t owe it to me in any way, shape or form to be appealing to me. Further to that, I don’t owe her anything either. I’m not obligated to find her attractive, nor do I owe it to her.
So let’s stop with the bullshit “If you don’t find me attractive, you’re racist” claptrap. Sorry, not sorry but no-one is obligated to find you attractive and anyone who says to me “You don’t find me attractive therefore you’re a racist” is doing nothing more than labelling me someone who hates their community because I dare not find them appealing, like I’ve offended their sensibilities or something.
Just stop it.