Published on January 13th, 2013 | by Rayne0
The Atheist Coming Out Project: Lucy
Today’s atheist coming story has been brought to by: Lucy.
I think my story of how I became an atheist might be unique among my fellow non-prophet community. The catalyst for my loss of faith wasn’t science or logic, or even reading multi-spiritual text. I owe my freedom of non-belief to mental illness.
‘What the hell?’ You say, trust me it’s not as crazy as it sounds.
I have type 1 Bipolar mood disorder, thus I have experienced the highs that drug addicts crave and the lows that catatonic emo bands wish they could. Last year I last experienced a massive depressive episode; this wasn’t one of my usual crash and burn episodes though, this time I experienced hallucinations as well. One night while I was lying in my hospital bed crying my eyes out and wishing for it all to end, a very calming and sweet voice told me that if I took my phone cable and hung myself, God would take care of my family and no one would have to suffer anymore, I thought an angel of God had spoken to me. I won’t bore any of you with the any of the trivial details of my recovery, but suffice it to say the medication kicked in and the dopamine neurotransmitters of my brain stopped their shenanigans and I returned to my normal state of health. But I felt traumatised, and for the first time in my life I had been witness to something that felt so real at the time, but clearly wasn’t.
I was raised in a very strong Christian family, while we didn’t hold the traditional beliefs of Christians; such as the trinity or a supernatural
devil, I was still taught to believe the bible was the living word of god, and that was to be unquestioned. My recent experience had changed my
thinking. As a Christian I was taught to believe that gods like Thor, Ra and Odin were completely fictitious, but why? I thought, after all there
is just as much evidence that they exist as the Christian god (no evidence what so ever). In the meantime I continued my university studies which are in anthropology, and for the first time I studied the theory of evolution with objectivity, and wouldn’t you know it, not only did it make sense but it could provide solid evidence for its explanations. I kept reading my bible, trying to kid myself that I was just having a crisis of faith; but I couldn’t shake my doubt. The more I read that book the more I realised what a hateful and bigoted bunch of lies it was, I also realised that if I hadn’t of had my faith in god I wouldn’t have been so gullible to believe the hallucination I had. My faith nearly killed me, as it has thousands of other individuals who have committed atrocities or hurt themselves for the sake of a supernatural creator. Ultimately, I came to the same conclusion that anyone capable of using logic and reason would: there is no God.
“But if you don’t believe in God, what can you believe in?” a friend asked me. It’s simple really, I believe in evidenced based thinking, I believe
goodness dwells in each of us, I believe morality has nothing to do with spirituality, I believe we are responsible for our own choices in life, I believe humanity has the power to overcome ignorance, and above all I believe in me; that I can see the world for all its natural beauty and wonder without the veil of superstition clouding my view. Only my husband, friends and select family members know I’m an atheist. I hope to one day to work up the courage to tell the remaining fundamentalist few.
Thank you for reading my story my fellow unbelievers.
Don’t keep the faith,
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