Published on January 20th, 2013 | by Rayne0
The Childfree Experiences Project: S. P.
Today’s Childfree Experience Project submission comes from a lovely darling named S.P.
To be honest choosing not to have children has never felt like a choice at all. I always felt uncomfortable with children who were younger than me and ever since I could walk and talk I have wanted nothing more than to be in control of my own life (in other words: to be an adult). Some days being an adult is not all I dreamed it would be (like when I come home to my 1930’s collection of DVD’s destroyed by my then 9mo old puppy) but most of the time it is exactly what I want. I love freedom and being able to do what I want when I want (and not having to arrange my schedule with anyone else regarding it).
Having children did not cross my mind (not seriously anyway) until my early to mid 20’s (somewhere around 22 years old). I decided that if I had children I would do so by age 30. There was no precise mathematical formula that I was using I just figured that if I had not done it by then than that was that. I had no desire to be raising children into my 40’s and 50’s so if by 29 I was still living without children (and the desire for them) then that was that. I decided that I wanted to do some soul searching about not having kids. I have always been the type of person to think hard on big decisions and not do anything rash. No one ever tells you when you are young that you don’t have to have children. I never once heard it from…well anyone. So I got online and typed “I don’t want to have kids” into a Google search engine and realized that many other people were experiencing the same lack of desire for procreation. I felt like finally there were people like me who did not want to capitulate to the status quo and have children because “it is what you are supposed to do.” I felt such relief that I made my adult decision by age 25 and have not looked back. That was 6 years ago and I have passed my 30 year mark (over a year ago now). I even became a study participant in a Childfree study for people in their 20’s and am coming up on my 4th year out of ten.
I told my mom before I turned 30 and she took it pretty well. She said that she sort of figured that I would not have a “traditional life.” Most of my friends are fine with it, they have little to say in regards to it and seem not to mind but what other people think is not a concern for me anyway. Some days it’s hard only because I am in a stage of life where most other women my age are busy raising children and I am very much left out of that club. I cannot relate to them anymore (and I fear that it is creating a permanent divide) and they no longer relate to me. I find solace in befriending women who are older than me as they have either already had kids or are not very likely to run off and play mommy anymore. I do not regret my decision, but like all decisions this one comes with consequences that are not always pleasant. When people ask me about kids, I simply say that I do not want them. It is not what they want to hear and they usually want to know what is “wrong” but not having kids is the only thing that feels “right” for me. Further explanation cannot express anything other than simple lack of desire.
I have no regrets thus far and I do not foresee any either. I am very happy with my day to day life and I love having my time to accomplish goals and climb mountains (sometimes literally). My desire for other things in life is strong; my desire for a traditional “marriage and kid’s” life has never kicked in. No journey in life is without some bumps but I feel that I am on the path that I need to be and that is a wonderful thing.
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