Childfree by Choice

Published on July 31st, 2013 | by Rayne


The unappeal of parenthood

An interesting discussion came up on the childfree forum recently – a forum goer asked if we were childfree because we don’t want kids or don’t want to be parents (to human babies).

The answer for me is: both.

I’ve mentioned in numerous earlier posts the reasons why I have made the choice to be childfree and why I don’t regret it. I like not having school fees and having to buy nappies, I like having a disposable income and extra time on my hands for holidays.

Alongside not wanting to breed children, I also don’t want to be a parent to human children. For numerous reasons:

– To be a parent means for the first years of the childs life, the child is totally dependent on you. No thanks.

– To be a parent means that for the first years of the childs life, you will NEVER be alone. The concept of private time with yourself or your partner goes out the window. I like my private time.

– I like having sex all over the house and furniture.

– To be a parent means your child may one day grow up to be a self centered arsehole with an undeserved sense of entitlement. I don’t want to have to monitor my every move and action so that doesn’t happen.

– Did I mention that I like privacy?

– Did I mention that I like having sex – everywhere? All over the house?

– Did I mention that I like sleep?

Now parents like to combat this with “It’s all worth it in the end!” which is their way of trying to make their loss of privacy, sleep, sex life, income and time seem less hideous. I, on the other hand, like all those things and don’t want to give them up nor have the responsibility of another for many years. I’ve thought long and hard about my decision which has come from a place of honesty and maturity – do I really want to make myself and another human being miserable? Do I want the constant stress and loss of sleep? Do I want a loss of privacy and no more sex? Do I want to have another human being impact on my life and my partners leading to everyone being miserable which in the end would only harm the child? No. Do I want time to focus on getting a great career so my partner and I can have a disposable income so we don’t have to live paycheck to paycheck? Yes I do.

So no parenting human children for me.

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About the Author

Goth. Metal music. Tea. Books.

4 Responses to The unappeal of parenthood

  1. Kaye says:

    Privacy and sleep alone are more than enough reason to be childfree for me. I have almost literally lost my mind from lack of sleep. I cannot deal with constant invasions on my privacy. A bingo I have heard (via the internet) is that you get used to it or you adjust. Why would I want my body to adjust to something detrimental to my health?

  2. christie says:

    Different place, different time – different story?

    Born in the 60ies I grew up in a big German city. “Stay at home” mums were already a thing of the past since the living costs were so high that both parents had to work.
    Women were encouraged to get a good education and work on their careers in order to be able to financially co-support a family or if single to support themselves. It was easier to find/rent a flat with a dog than a child because children make noise… The commitment level of both genders in regards to long term relationships was at an all time low.

    When I finally found the man who wanted children and wanted to be in a committed relationship I was nearly 30. A few years passed, the relationship failed and another one was not in sight.
    The biological clock was ticking away and I ended up without children.

    I can honestly say that I had a good life, with lots of sleep, good sex, good money and frequent trips around the world.

    Meanwhile all of my relatives have passed away and I sometimes envy those people with children. They have their adult children come around with their partners for Sunday dinners or when they need support.

    Sometimes I wonder who will come and check on me when I am old and stuck in a nursing home. Who would report that I am being neglected or even abused there, if not my children who else?

    Having a family life is not such a bad thing, but getting there can be….
    …..and successfully maintaining it is an art that is based on high social and emotional skills which many people have a severe lack of!

    When I look around me I see mountains of dysfunctional marriages where the husband has mutated to a teller machine and the wife to a mother that cooks and cleans and is available for frequent sex. If the latter is not existent anymore, the husband usually goes cheating with somebody else.

    Do I want this? No

    Do I like not having children? No

    Everything in life comes with a price tag and you’ve got to check early enough what price you are willing to pay either way!

    • Rayne says:

      “Women were encouraged to get a good education and work on their careers in order to be able to financially co-support a family or if single to support themselves.”

      Everyone would be better off if people were taught this in Australia. Women here go out and get pregnant and are taught to disregard everything to have kids. They are taught to disregard the fact they may not be economically stable or have job security, they are taught that they don’t really need a place to stay because their parents can look after the children, they aren’t taught to be responsible parents and plan children or even what parenthood entails – for a lot of parents it’s thrust upon them with little to no knowledge about what they are getting into and it bites them in the arse pretty quickly.

      Websites like exist because parents have had to fumble their way through parenthood – something that has only ever been romantised – because they have no knowledge around the harsh reality of raising children.

  3. Pingback: Things the childfree know about parenthood that parents don't - Insufferable Intolerance Insufferable Intolerance

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