Published on February 9th, 2013 | by Rayne


What I’ve learned as a childfree person

The number one thing I’ve learned as a childfree person is that people who are insecure about their choices to raise children don’t like our childfree status and never will.

I’ve written many a post on the issue of being childfree and parental insecurity. I’ve written about the various reasons some parents give for having children and posts on the types of people who really dislike childfree people. I’ve given tips for the parents who want to interact with the childfree and my personal reasons for being childfree and time and time again throughout my years of being out of the childfree closet, I hear the same shit spew out of the mouths of insecure parents, that I’m selfish for not wanting children. That I’ll change my mind and it’ll be different when I have my own children.

This is fucking stupid.

When someone tells me that I will change my mind when I tell them I am childfree by choice – all I hear is a random person attempting to police my life because apparently they know what I want better than what I do. My life is not “Being John Malkovich” I’m in control of my actions. Normally when someone says this to me, I response in kind:

“When are you going to have children?”
“I’m not, I’m childfree – I’m never having children”
“Oh, you’ll change your mind!”
“Oh, are you hetereosexual?”
“Oh, well you’ll change your mind”
“No I won’t”
“Yeah you will because if you think you know me better than me and you know I’ll change my mind about children, I just know you’ll change your mind about liking the opposite sex”

This of course only works with straight people, yes I’m implying that being gay is a choice – I don’t personally believe that but it works for the sake of the above conversation.

I’ve learned as a childfree person that you will never win with parents who are insecure about their decision to have children, this is why bingos exist because parents who are insecure about their decision to have children need to attempt to convert people to having children so they can validate their life choices. If everyone around them has the same things as them, then they feel much more comfortable and not the “odd one out”. Parents in general will never understand the want to never have children because they’ve never experienced that. Secure parents don’t care that we don’t want children, insecure parents do.

I’ve learned as a childfree person that bingos are a part of your life. You will forever be justifying your choices to another person. You don’t have to elaborate past “I don’t want them” when referring to children, in fact I recommend not elaborating past that statement because it really annoys insecure parents and that shit is funny as hell to watch.

I’ve learned as a childfree person that shooting down bingos with logic is fun. It’s a sport for me because I’m a bitch like that. My favourite bingo by far is “It’ll be different when its your own”. I’m going to let that marinade in your brain before I go into why it’s stupid.

The bingo “It’ll be different when it’s your own” is particularly stupid because it implies a child is just going to appear out of nowhere and be mine. Where am I going to get this child that people claim “will be my own”? Childfree people take precautions to not have children. Straight couples wear condoms, take the pill or have tubals and vasectomies. Meanwhile samesex childfree couples ensure they don’t trip and fall onto some adoption papers and accidentally sign them. Unless the condom breaks and an abortion isn’t readily available – we aren’t going to be lumped with a child any time soon.

My childfree status as a gay person is less of an issue for me with the wider population because it is simply assumed that I will never have children. Nothing about me wanting or not wanting to have children comes into this assumption because same sex couples can’t have children in the same way straight couples do so it’s assumed will never have them because we can’t accidentally fall pregnant or get someone pregnant. Having children in this respect has been reduced to whether the protection breaks and not about wants and desires. Having children is not seen as a choice for people but as an inevitability when you’re an opposite couple or someone who has sex with the opposite sex.

From what I’ve learned about having children, it is seen as an inevitability rather than a choice. I can see why people get so up in arms about same sex adoption and fostering. Children as an inevitability for opposite couples has morphed into the view that this automatically means that they will be good parents whether the pregnancy is planned or unplanned. So in the minds of idiots, same sex couples who can’t have children through sex and chose to adopt or foster must not be fit parents because it isn’t inevitable for them. Same sex couples make the choice to have children (those who haven’t had children through heterosexual relationships when they were in the closet) as much as childfree people make the choice not to have them.

What I’ve learned as a childfree person is that making the choice to have or not have children is unheard of for the wider population because a large percentage of the population can’t see themselves as someone who has made the choice to have children. They’ve just fallen pregnant or gotten someone pregnant and then had the child because “that’s what’s done”. In reality they’ve made a choice to keep the pregnancy going by not having an abortion, then they’ve decided to keep the child once its born and not give it up for adoption.

We as childfree people have learned that we have a choice when it comes to reproduction – it’s a pity more people haven’t figured that out. There would most likely be less children in foster care.

What I’ve learned as a gay person
What I’ve learned as an atheist

If you like some of the things I say – feel free to add me to your RSS feed, comment or email me: rayne@insufferableintolerance.com. I now have a facebook page! Feel free to like my page by clicking here!

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6 Responses to What I’ve learned as a childfree person

  1. Pingback: What I’ve learned as an atheist Insufferable Intolerance

  2. Pingback: Childfree and gay - no surprise! Insufferable Intolerance

  3. Pingback: The unappeal of parenthood - Insufferable Intolerance Insufferable Intolerance

  4. Pingback: Things you learn when you're gay Insufferable Intolerance

  5. AC says:

    Having a child in this day and age IS selfish. That is the selfish choice. The last thing this planet needs is more people. If I choose to have children, I do it with the knowledge that it was a selfish choice. Although passing down my spectacular genes could be considered a gift to the planet in itself.

  6. Amanda P says:

    I agree that having kids is seen as an inevitability. Many people just don’t seem to realize they have a choice in the matter. A pregnancy might be an accident. Carrying a baby to term isn’t. It’s funny though, the same people who treat pregnancy as an inevitability are often the first to say “some people shouldn’t have kids” yet get upset when someone says “I don’t want kids.”

    I know it’s been awhile since you’ve done a CF post here, but I’d like to invite you to contribute a childfree-related post to my childfree link party. http://www.insufferableintolerance.com/ It’s open til Jan 12 23:55, and you may contribute a new post or an old one. Take care!

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