Childfree by Choice

Published on January 23rd, 2013 | by Rayne


What your reasons to have children says about you.

A few days ago a lovely reader left this .pdf outlining the various justifications as to why parents have children, the pdf as offers alternate explanations for those justifications. Today I want to look further into those justifications for having children.

As I’ve stated before there seem to be two types of parents in the world. The ones that care you’re childfree and the ones that don’t care. The parents who don’t care you’re childfree seem to be quite secure in their decision to have children. They don’t need a reason, they just wanted a child and that’s that. Awesome.

Those who care about your childfree status seem quite insecure about their decision to have children which is why they bingo childfree people – validation and reassurance that their decision was a good one through getting others to make the same decision they did.

The decision “I just wanted to have children” is as far as any parent needs to go when offering explanations as to why they decided to become parents. Parents, like childfree people shouldn’t have to justify their decisions, however some reasons are a bit more questionable than others. Most parents I have met who have giving me reasons such as the ones below could be classified under the “insecure” category. I’m of the school of thought that if you need to elaborate on your decision anything more than “I just want to” you are either insecure about what people would think and/or you’re insecure about your decision to have children in the first place so you need to find a deeper meaning to wanting children.

Parents, all you need to be is honest about your decision to have children. If anyone ever questions your reasons for having children (because childfree and other parents will do it) – just tell them you wanted to. That’s all you need or possibly “because fuck you, that’s why”.

Every time a parent says these, all I hear is the following:

I can’t help it, it’s a biological urge.
I doubt that parents who have said this have really examined their motivations for having children if they need to fall back on the flawed “It’s biology” argument. Just because a large majority of people have a need to breed, doesn’t mean everyone does. This is why childfree people exist.

Want to give our parents grandchildren.
“I want the approval and love of my parents so I’m giving them grandchildren that they’ll only see once every few weeks to make them happy”

I just love children.
I doubt they realize that those children will grow up to be teenagers and then adults. What happens when their children are no longer little? Sounds like an inability to plan long term.

I have superior human genes.
Pure ego and unrealistic views about themselves.

Need help on farm or in family business.
I guess breeding your own workers is easier than going to jail for child slave labour or actually paying someone.

Want someone to care for me in my old age.
Not only do these people fear aging but they want children purely so they’ll have someone to look after them when their older. That’s exploitation and manipulation.

Pregnancy and childbirth are life experiences.
Buying a blender is a life experience.

A good family is essential to career advancement and social standing in the community.
The parents who say this sound massively insecure to the point they feel they need to breed to get social acceptance. How about working on your insecurity issues?

We want to create a life which embodies our love for each other.
Massive ego. The people who say this seem to believe that expressing love happens via having sex and producing children. Sex isn’t purely a way to express love for someone, if it was I’d have expressed my love for a large percentage of the female population of my city for one night. Sex is a recreational thing, it’s something you decided to do or not to do within a relationship or outside a relationship. You don’t need to have sex in a relationship to tell/show someone you love them. Love and sex are how you define them.

I want my kids (who don t exist yet) to have all the things I didn’t have.
“I want to live vicariously through my children and hopefully repair all my issues with my childhood”

To carry on family name.
Unrealistic opinions about what “the family name” actually means.

Want to see a little me.
Massive self-absorption issues and egotistical to boot.

God wants us to.
Mindless obedience to dogma peddlers who want larger flocks to indoctrinate.

My wife/husband wants a baby.
Giving in and having a child for fear of losing their partner.

Want a child with our bloodline.
More ego issues.

It’s a spiritual thing for me.
What the fuck does this even mean?

I’ve always wanted to have children, it’s what people do.
Unquestioned cultural conditioning and following the socially imposed life-script.

To cement our relationship.
Fear of failure or insecure about status of their relationship.

I love babies.
Short-sighted view of reality and poor future planning.

Being a mother is a woman’s highest achievement.
Complete fucking idiot.

My child could find a way to save the world.
Mother/father of God complex (I bet Ted Bundy’s mother didn’t say that)

We’d like to try for a boy or girl this time.
Dissatisfaction with current child.

I want someone who will love me and not leave me.
Many many many issues with rejection and abandonment.

Our economy needs young workers to replace retired workers.
Breeding machine for capitalism.

The world needs more of us or we’ll be outnumbered.
Elitism and racism. So much racism.

We may as well, the planet is doomed anyway.
“I’m too lazy to help fix the planet”

I’d like to achieve a sense of immortality.
Fear of death and non-existence.

I don’t know.
Never thought about it. Possibly a sheep disguised as a human.

I might regret not having had the experience later, when it’s too late.
Fear of future worries and poor planning.

I do not want to deny my kids (who do not exist yet) the joy of existence.
Not only are they ignoring the people around them but that’s such a stupid statement. Just adopt a kitten. Or better yet, don’t.

Procreation has traditionally been a source of personal empowerment for women.
“I feel powerless and crave the power that society gives to parents”

What do you think readers? What other odd reasons have you heard for having children?

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About the Author

Goth. Metal music. Tea. Books.

6 Responses to What your reasons to have children says about you.

  1. Free of Societal Obligations says:

    No doubt on the blender – I just bought a Vitamix! Damn, was that a satisfying life experience!

  2. Pingback: What I’ve learned as a childfree person Insufferable Intolerance

  3. Flora says:

    My mom’s got #6 bad – the few occasions I’ve tried to tell her that I was thinking about not having kids, her first reaction is always “Oh yeah? Well who’s gonna wipe your ass when you get old??”

    …Um, I plan on taking care of myself in my youth so I can wipe my own ass at any age.

    • Rayne says:

      And if you can’t – that’s what trained aged care nurses are for.

      • Ashley Sarchet says:

        They only say that because they don’t want to bother saving enough money/being nice enough to get other people to take care of them. So they guilt their children into doing it.

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