Childfree by Choice

Published on January 1st, 2013 | by Rayne

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Why I am childfree: A list

I often get asked why I don’t want children.

Answer: Because I don’t want them.

This answer seems to be a hard concept to grasp for most people – especially parents. Which is when the bingos start. Parents seem to have the delusion that just because they wanted to have kids/had an unplanned pregnancy/decided not to adopt/abort – everyone must feel the same. Which is not true.

So when a parent meets someone who hasn’t made the same choices as them – such as a childfree person, they assume either that person has a flaw or is undecided and needs a bit more convincing that parenthood is awesome. Purely on the bases that parenthood has been awesome for the parent completely disregarding the fact that the parent and the childfree person are two completely different people.

Very few parents I’ve met don’t care that you have decided to be childree but they are happy and secure in their choices. However I’ve found those that do care about your childfreeness resort to attempting to convince you have children via the use of bingos.

Bingos it seems, are a tool utilised by insecure parents to validate their life choices by using them to convince childfree people to make the same choices as them. The more people around them who have made the same choices – the better they feel about their own.

Previously I wrote a post on tips for parents who want to interact with childfree people. Today I’ll answer common bingos/questions/accusations from parents so I don’t have to repeat myself.

As you can see, a lot of the bingos are selfish and emotional blackmail.

The list:

Do you have children?
No

Why not?
Because I don’t want them

Don’t you like children?
That question is irrelevant. I like blenders, I think they’re nifty but I don’t want one.

When are you going to have children?
Never

Aren’t you leaving it too late?
No

When are you going to give me grandkids?
Never. Deal with it. My purpose in life is to be more than a breeding machine to satisfy your cravings for contact with grandchildren for a few hours every few weeks.

Why are you so selfish?
Making a conscious decision to not have a life long economic and emotional responsibility isn’t selfish - it’s called maturity.

Doesn’t your partner want children?
I only date childfree people

Who’s going to look after you (when you’re old, sick,)
A nursing home or doctor. Having children purely so they’ll look after you is selfish.

Why aren’t you doing your bit for society?
You mean overpopulation? Society will continue without me breeding. Has done for centuries

Why don’t you want to be a mother?
Because I don’t.

Who’s going to pay for your pension?
My superannuation. Having children purely so they can be used as a cash cow is selfish.

Who are you going to leave your shoes, house, clothes, worldly goods to?
Charity. Poor people need stuff too.

Aren’t you lonely?
No

Are you normal?
Yes

How can you not want kids?
Because I’m me and not you.

Don’t you like yourself?
I love me. Every night. What’s loving myself got to do with children?

Do you hate parents?
I love my parents.

What if your parents hadn’t had you?
Then I wouldn’t be here to listen to your stupid questions.

What’s wrong with you?
What’s wrong with you???

What about women who can’t have children?
Not my problem.

What else is there in life if you don’t have children?
Love, learning, a career. If you can’t see a life passed your children – that’s sad. Live for yourself.

Isn’t that what everyone does?
No. Having children purely because everyone else does makes you a sheep.

What’s life if you don’t have kids?
A lot more than that.

What if everyone thought like you?
Well that hasn’t happened in 4 billion years.

Did you have a bad childhood?
No

Don’t you want to make your mother/father grandparents?
No. Not my responsibility.

Don’t you want a family?
Family is what you make it.

What do you spend your money on?
Books, food, books, cd’s, holidays, video games.

What contribution have you made to society?
2 university degrees, a long work history, volunteer work, taxes.

How can you deprive your partner of a child/children?
I only date childfree people.

Why aren’t you fulfilling your nurturing role?
I’m more than a breeding machine. I can nurture cats.

Don’t you want to have your own flesh and blood?
I do. It hangs off my skeleton.

Don’t you want to experience being pregnant?
No fucking chance. Having an developing fetus kick you in ribs? No.

Where’s your maternal instinct?
Not everyone has one.

How will you fill your life?
With whatever makes me happy.

When are you going to Grow Up?
Depends on your definition of grown up.

In conclusion parents: Stop trying to convince us that we need to take your path in life. It’s rude and implies you are insecure about your choices.

This article sums it all up nicely.

If you like some of the things I say – feel free to add me to your RSS feed, comment or email me: rayne@insufferableintolerance.com. I now have a facebook page! Feel free to like my page by clicking here!

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About the Author

Goth. Metal music. Tea. Books.



62 Responses to Why I am childfree: A list

  1. Patrick says:

    I couldn’t agree with you more. Thanks for the list.

  2. Laura says:

    This. Is. Amazing. Definitely bookmarked it so I can have the correct answers next time someone asks me asinine questions as to why I don’t want kids.

    • Rayne says:

      There is no such thing as a correct answer, although if these types of parents annoy you too much – saying “I don’t want children and I certainly don’t want to follow in your life choices” seems to work.

    • Rayne says:

      These types of parents will try their darndest to convince you. I once had a single mother of 4 try to convince me to drop out of university on go on welfare so I could have a child. My reply?

      “No thanks. I want a great career that’ll give me lots of money, not something that looks like an overcooked ham that will take all my money away”

  3. Shell says:

    THANK YOU!

  4. Oscar says:

    Well done list, would just like to say there’s no such thing as “maternal” instinct, only paternal.

  5. Anon says:

    Personally, my mother thinks its great that I don’t want children. I’m pretty young and I hear all that talk about opinions changing, but I am very secure in my childfree decision.

    However, sometimes I ask my mom WHY she had children – Why she would throw away a life with no financial stress, less emotional stress and she admits regret. Not that she hates her children, but that it would be nice. But she is very very caring. I can’t picture her without kids.

    • Rayne says:

      Nice! My mum took ages to accept she would never get grandchildren from me. She had a long time to grieve over it though – I’d been telling her since I was 8.

  6. Robin says:

    If people would focus on their own children as much as they focus on the private business/lifestyles of others – such as us childfree people – then I really think the world would be a better place. I don’t mean to sound sappy, but I believe that.

  7. Dr. Kyle says:

    ‘Because I don’t.’ –> That’s not a very elaborate answer… Why don’t racist people like black people? Because they just don’t? Of course not, there’s always more to it than that. Could you elaborate on your reasons instead of just saying so? I’m interested.

    Also, while observing your other posts, I found your writing highly negative. Just to get an objective second opinion I randomly (to be statistically fair) chose 12 of your posts and placed them through something called a sentimental analysis algorithm. It basically measures the positive and negative feelings in pieces of texts. Your were…..abnormally negative/mean. Most would agree that people’s writings reflect their true selves, especially personal blogs. So, I ask you, why are you so negative? You can fool yourself into thinking you love yourself and still pretty be a bitter, hateful, ‘good’ person. Usually it’s justified through a facade of intellectual nonsense or a pride in unapologetic sarcastic humor . I used to be there too…

    • Rayne says:

      Thanks for your comment. I realise that my posts can be quite negative – it’s not that I can’t see the postives in things, it’s that the positives are positive. They’re fine. The negative posts are more about discussing the illogical, irrational or negative aspects of the topics being discussed. If things aren’t discussed out in the open – how else can we work towards changing them to something more positive?

      I do come across harsh but I don’t like things I consider illogical irrational, however I love feedback and creative critiques. I’m willing to admit I’m wrong and will go do further research if needed.

      I’ve never claimed to be an intellectual. I’m just stating my opinion with backed-up evidence.

      I’m mean because people do dumb things that they need to called out on.

      • Dr. Kyle says:

        Perhaps consider using more positive diction and style in your writings to make a more emotional appeal. If getting people to think and discuss is what you’re after then connecting with the reader through positive emotions is much more effective. The enormity of charismatic churches is one example of this. Of course, you don’t have to be nearly as extreme but I’m sure you can do the research and discover this for yourself. Another example is this interesting podcast by PlanetMoney: http://www.npr.org/blogs/money/2012/12/21/167802325/episode-425-an-fbi-hostage-negotiator-buys-a-car

        I think you’d find this interesting in a normal sense and also as an opinion in persuasion. Enjoy. :)

        • Rayne says:

          My aim isn’t to persuade anyone by any means. My aim is to just state my opinion, have evidence for the claims I make and leave it up to the reader to decide what they want to do with the information.

          Appeals to emotion is a logical fallacy, one that I try to not commit. I’m not out to manipulate my readers emotions to get them to think my way.

          I can still connect with my readers through giving them information and discussions. If they are intrigued and want to know more, I can do that. I love having conversations with my readers about blog topics or non-sequiturs. Bonding via learning.

          As for my writing style or blog topics in anyway reflecting my life in the real world? Correlation does not always equal causation. I write about things that make me angry not because I am an angry person in general or my life is consumed in misery and I’m pessimistic or cynical but because the negative aspects those specific topics alarm me and I want them to change to something more positive.

        • Metz says:

          While I don’t have a fancy psychological algorithm at my disposal, it doesn’t take a lot to figure out that a blog called “insufferable intolerance” is going to feature articles from contributors on the things that piss them off.

          Might I suggest a fluffy bunny or two at http://www.cuteoverload.com if you’re looking for something more…. “upbeat”…

    • Rayne says:

      As for not wanting children, I’ll see if I can elaborate:

      I don’t want them because:

      1) I have no desire to procreate.

      2) I have no desire to raise another human.

      3) I’m happy with my life without children, children would impact on what I want to do with my life.

      4) Raising another human is a big responsibility that I don’t want, I have enough as it is. I don’t want more.

      5) I’m just not interested. I don’t do things I’m not interestd in.

      • Dr. Kyle says:

        1) Considering you’re gay, I find it unsurprising that you don’t wish to procreate. I suppose I think this because of the mixture of psychological and biological influences on the natural urge to create a little mini me of your own. This is completely pseudo-science, however. I’m an academic in electrical engineering and artificial intelligence, not biology!

        2) Do you feel that you can do better job making the World better through influencing adults rather than producing/molding a human that could potentially be better than anything you could of done by yourself?

        3) What do you want to do with your life? :)

        4) This is fair. There are many people that shouldn’t

        5) That’s a given…most people don’t. Haha.

        Three questions for you:

        1) Did you grow up in a strict Christian home?

        2) Do you look down on people that do ‘breed’?

        3) What do you think of this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=buq0OM__56E

        • Rayne says:

          1) Do you feel that you can do better job making the World better through influencing adults rather than producing/molding a human that could potentially be better than anything you could of done by yourself?

          The time and effort it would take to mold that tiny human into a responsible adult would take away from my other plans. Trying to raise a children while doing everything else I want would just cause burn out for me.

          2) What do you want to do with your life? :)

          Try to be a good person and be happy and do the things I want – career plans, cats, live, social activities etc

          Three questions for you:

          1) Did you grow up in a strict Christian home?

          No I didn’t. For the most part, I don’t generally mind religious folk which is why I try to not generalise all religious folk together. You’ll notice in my early posts I write “some” religious folk to emphasise that not all religious folk are the same. However fundamentalists or people just out to convert others annoy me greatly.

          2) Do you look down on people that do ‘breed’?

          I don’t look down on people who choose to have children. However I don’t like when certain people display certain behaviours (such as bingoing or imposing their life choices on others). The amount of time, money and effort it takes to raise a child or children is large and not something to be taken lightly. It’s still a big responsibility.

          In my post about moral superiority and some of my childfree posts, I mention that acting superior towards someone is not on, regardless of who you are. This applies to smug parents (smug for being a parent – it happens) as well. It’s not the person but the behaviour that irks me.

          I do dislike when people use their children as weapons ir to get what they want or abuse them but again – that’s behavioural.

          3) What do you think of this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=buq0OM__56E

          It’s a bunch of kids running around. My neices and nephews do the same thing except with more ice cream.

          • Kennie says:

            I understand the point that Dr. Kyle is trying to illustrate when he says “negative”. Choosing to be child free definitely gets a varying amount of questions that can seem intrusive and even insulting. Your theory that it is based on their own insecurities has proven to be true for me as well.

            However, the same thing can be true when you refer to someone as a “breeder”. It could be argued that it is a way for you to validate your own doubts and insecurities.

            As a child free person, I would never call someone a “breeder”. I would never try to diminish someone’s choice to have children by classifying them into some sub-human category. You want/have kids, great! I don’t. Good for me as well.

            When I dropped out of college, friends & family of mine had varying opinions. Now that I own a successful software company, I don’t call them “degree-ers”. I was confident with my decision.

            For the record, I don’t want kids because I am a bit selfish. I have no problems admitting that. I’m human. I like to sleep in til 2PM sometimes, have expensive toys and leave at a moments notice without explaining myself to anyone. Sure, I employ people who make good money but I didn’t do it for them.

            I love my nephews and I can provide them opportunities that I didn’t have as a child. I can lend a helping hand to babysit when their parents need help, but I don’t want any for myself even though I could just as easily do all these things for a child of my own.

          • Rayne says:

            I don’t think the childfree community has really highlighted the difference between “breeder” and “parent”, the term breeder has certainly turned into a negative generalisation of all parents which needs to be looked at. Although the term is technically accurate, when someone procreates they have breed, they have participating in the act of breeding to produce offspring.

            For me a breeder is an individual (much like some of my family) who has choosen to keep the child whenever they fall pregnant/gotten someone pregnant (note I didn’t say planned child – because a breeders pregnancy never is). They use their children purely as a tool to get what they want (symphathy or material goods) but are ultimately selfish, thinking of themselves first and the welfare of their children second often leading to neglect or abuse. I use this term offensively because their behaviour and attitude towards their children *is* offensive. Raising a child is about the child, not about what you can get out of it.

            A parent is different, whether planned or accidental – they look after their kids because it isn’t about them or what they can get, it’s about their children. Their children come first and they have an active interest in raising their children instead of thinking about what having a kid can get them.

            That being said – childfree people have no right to lord any perceived superiority over those who have children. No-one is superior to another.

            P.S. Compliments to your display picture. Fantastic suit.

    • Scott says:

      For someone criticizing a blogger for her negativity, this is an incredibly negative and narrow-minded post.

      Why do you assume she has to fool herself into loving herself? Maybe she’s tired of self-righteous douchebags (cough) questioning her motivations to be free from the burdens of parenthood?

      • Rayne says:

        I think this quote from Sheldon [Big Bang Theory] sums everything up:

        Sheldon: One cries because one is sad. For example, I cry because others are stupid, and that makes me sad.

    • juliewashere88 says:

      I think you’ve misunderstood. “Because I don’t (want children)” is an excellent answer for why one doesn’t want children. In fact, it’s the only one that really matters.

      It’s breeding that should have to be justified. Being without children is everyone’s default state. One who wants children should have a very good reason for wanting them. Basically, the question shouldn’t even be “why not,” but, “why?”

      Think of it like this, if I asked you for a dollar, it shouldn’t be upon you to think up a good reason to not give me a dollar, and then feeling obligated to do so if you’re not able to find a sufficient answer. No, to give me money, you should have a reason TO give me money, not simply the absence of any reason not to. Understand?

      Speaking for myself, although I could list a plethora of reasons not to have kids, the biggest reason not to have them is having no reason, and no desire to have them. For I have never in my life heard even one single good reason why I should breed.

    • Lj says:

      It makes sense that a post would seem negative when it’s a response to the inane s*** regularly thrown at childfree people by the moronic masses!

      I find it strange that anyone would have issue with the answer “Because I don’t!” There are many instances in life where you don’t have a want for something but you don’t necessarily know why. It’s down to the fact that we all have different tastes and interests. No-one ever asks someone to elaborate when they say they want children, so why should anyone else elaborate on saying they don’t want children. As it happens I like vinegar but I don’t want vinegar. I don’t understand why since I know that I like the taste of it, but I never do find myself wanting it, I only ever have it if someone has put it on my chips by mistake.

      So for me it IS as simple as “I don’t want kids!” I have never felt any desire to have children, and so it would be positively idiotic to have them.

      I should also add that if us childfree people give reasons for not having children (and we can come up with some to satisfy others even though we simply “don’t want them”) then all that happens is you get told your reasons are selfish. You can’t win :-D

      Strange, since anytime I have heard someone give a reason for wanting children THAT reason has been selfish.

      I don’t want children simply because there is no want in me for children. That’s the end of it, if people can’t handle that it’s their problem.

      • Rayne says:

        Exactly! Thank you. “Not wanting children/vingear/a blender” is a justification enough.

        Parents only ask for an elaboration because they can’t see any reason not to have children.

        Next time when someone asks you to elaborate, ask them “Why did you decide to have children?” and question their reasons. See how they like it.

    • Lj says:

      I didn’t pay particular attention to this at the time, but actually you are correct in your assertion that “Because they just don’t” would not be an acceptable answer to the question “Why don’t racist people like black people?”

      However, it applies in that question for one reason alone, there would have to be a reason to dislike a race of people, even if it isn’t a conscious reason. Indeed if someone “just didn’t like black people” but couldn’t say why, then it probably boils down to the very simple biological imperative to fear that which is different (an imperative that protected our ancestors but causes racism today).

      On the other hand, you cannot say the same for all dislikes. Some likes and dislikes are totally arbitrary and there is no reason for them. I don’t like the colour pink, I have absolutely no idea why, I just don’t find it attractive. I highly doubt there is any biological reason for that and it certainly isn’t a conscious choice.

      • Rayne says:

        One could argue that “I just don’t” is an justifable answer for “I don’t like blacks” if the person doesn’t want to elaborate. Justifable doesn’t equal acceptance. Just because something has been justified to the point someone is comfortable with, doesn’t make it an acceptable answer. Bigotry should never be accepted.

        The “I just don’t” is merely an answer – not a reason. A reason for the answer “I just don’t” could be “because I think they’re all horrible”. Though it would most likely be “because I’m a racist jerk”.

        Example (from a homophobe I once knew):

        “I don’t like gays”
        “Why not?” – Question
        “I just don’t” – Answer
        “What’s your reasoning?”
        “Because they want to recruit our children into pedophilia” – Reason (I didn’t say the reason was going to be logical or acceptable)

        Thoughts?

      • Kennie says:

        “Because I just don’t” is a perfectly acceptable answer for ANY dislike. You’re an adult. You’re not on trial. You don’t owe any logical explanation as to why you dislike a race of people any more than you why you dislike bananas.

        However, there is a logical way to explain your preferences. Our brains take in trillions of bytes of data. Somewhere in that maze of neurons and gray matter is a perfectly logical explanation for every behavior humans exhibit. We just don’t understand it completely.

        The problem comes when people are uncomfortable by your choice or they don’t understand it and try to rationalize with their own frame of reference. “I think this way, therefore I would be more comfortable if you did to”.

  8. Kennie says:

    I completely understand your opinion especially since you are a woman. I can only imagine the probing questions about your uterus you’ve had to endure (no pun intended).

    Most people are selfish and manipulative, not just the ones you see with kids. But that’s not why people use the word breeder.

    The word “breeder” is a vindictive way to punish all the people that have belittled child free people for their beliefs. It draws a picture of them as barbaric animals who care for nothing other than mating & reproducing. It’s bigotry at is finest…

    AND I think there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. You said it perfectly, ” I don’t like things I consider illogical [or] irrational”. You have logical reasons to suggest your reasoning so you shouldn’t delineate from them.

    However, I can’t accept that you don’t feel you have some superiority. I may not ridicule people for the completely absurd and asinine reasons they chose to have kids but I wouldn’t suggest they have superior or even equal reasoning either.

    B.T.W. Thanks for the compliment and the awesome blender comment. It’s so true. I like those BlendTec’s but I don’t own one…

    • Rayne says:

      People will always have a need to feel superior, it’s a way to feel good about themselves but those people need to be knocked down a peg.

      Myself included.

      It’s all about self awareness and recognising when that happens. This is why blogs have comment sections ;-)

  9. Cyn says:

    I completely respect those that don’t want to have children. I, myself, have always wanted children. I have 3 wonderful children. There are days I do wish I had chosen a child free lifestyle. But I wouldn’t change it for the world. But, I’m not one of those that asks questions repeatedly. My biggest thing is those that have chosen a child free life and then judge those of us who have children. When my daughter was pregnant, a woman commented on a Facebook status saying she didn’t understand WHY anyone would WANT to bring a child into the world and that the thought of pregnancy and child birth just seemed like a horror movie come true. She told my daughter that she should have had an abortion and then she wouldn’t be living this awful life. As my grandson wasn’t “planned”, he is very much a blessing. And my daughter is an amazing mother. This woman emailed me repeatedly calling me awful names. Calling my daughter awful names. And continued to question why we would want to have children. She felt no person should ever have children. I’m only saying all this to point out that we, as parents, also get tons of questions and have people try to convince us that we made a mistake and we should have chosen a child free life. So I feel your “pain” with questions. But as for me, I not only accept that you have chosen to not have children, I applaud you and completely respect you for having the courage to admit that you don’t want children. Everyone is different. That’s what makes the world unique and diverse. If we were all alike, the world would be boring and predictable. You would not get dumb questions from me if this topic came up in conversation. I hope more people start to accept your decisions and respect your choice.

    • Rayne says:

      Thankyou for your comment :-)

      Those that judge others need a slap to the genitals.

      I have mentioned on my blog that while I’m not a big fan of the behaviours of smug parents, I try not to generalise all parents because parents aren’t all the same.

      I’ve found those who try to convince childfree people to have children at every opportunity seem quite insecure about their decision to become parents so they try to convince others to have children to validate their own choices.

      Those who are secure in their choices really couldn’t care we’re childfree.

    • juliewashere88 says:

      Breeding is a negative thing. Even for people who want to breed, they bring about negative consequences on their life (and everyone else’s, including the kids they force into being) by doing so.

      I told my teen mom sister she should have had an abortion – she should have. Her life is absolute shit now because she did not take my advice, exactly like I told her it would be. I am disgusted by all of the family and “friends” who did not care about her enough to tell her the truth about teen parenthood, but fed her fairy tale myths instead. If she was ruining her life with something other than the life-script expectation of breeding, drugs, for instance, I wonder if so many people would have still egged her on in the destruction of her own life.

      That said, yeah, childbrith IS a horror show. There’s is a lot about it that is horrific, agonizing, disgusting, and dangerous. It’s just the truth. I really don’t know why any sane person would willfully inflict such a thing upon herself – and maybe none do. If don’t like that there are people out there who don’t buy into the magical mother goddess miracle birth myth, well, tough. We each get to call it as we see it.

      Whats her face was out of line for the E-mails, but I’m betting she wasn’t talking to an unresponsive wall.

  10. Cyn says:

    I’m in that group of people who are secure in their choices. I have wished occasionally that I was child free. But that’s usually when they talk back or act up =)) I guess I’m completely accepting of people’s choices because I’m secure in the choices I have made. You made a good point =)
    I did email that woman back and told her my opinions. But I didn’t argue with her. There was nothing I could have said or done to make her see she was wrong for trying to make someone else make a choice that she approved of. Arguing with an ignorant person only makes me look ignorant. So I let it go. Hopefully someday this woman will realize that her opinion is not the only opinion of the world.

    • Rayne says:

      While I don’t understand the want to get pregnant or have children – it isn’t my problem. It appeals to people, we have to continue the species somehow.

      Also tell the woman that facebook has a hide function for a reason – to hide judgemental jerks ;-)

    • Lj says:

      People can be quite angry when they first come out as childfree. They will get passed it. It’s best to ignore it and let them ride that part of their life. She was wrong, obviously, to tell your daughter what to do, but the Facebook status is just her opinion and people write the opposite about those that don’t have kids. Also her status may give comfort to some other person who feels very alone because they realise they don’t want children but haven’t yet met any other childfree people.

      Knowing the contempt and abuse I have received from so-called friends AND complete strangers simply for not wanting to have children I can understand why people become quite extreme in their views for quite a while, they do eventually settle down though.

      What makes it worse is that for most of us being childfree isn’t a choice, it’s how we were made. Yes we have to choose to use contraception but we were born not wanting to have children. Only some people actually forgo their natural desire to have children because of financial reasons etc. most of us childfree people were just born without any desire to have kids. So we haven’t chosen to be childfree, it’s our natural state, yet the media and society tell us it’s unnatural and that there is something wrong with us. That is incredibly hurtful to be honest. It’s like being childfree is the one last taboo, people just refuse to accept that we are made that way and they have so many negative assumptions about childfree people it’s scary.

      I’m not selfish, materialistic, lazy, self-obsessed, a child-hater, a paedophile (yes, I’ve had that one)… I just have no desire to have children. I swear life would have been a lot easier for me had I been born with that desire!

      • Rayne says:

        A pedophile? For *not* wanting children?

        For me my wanting not to have children started at an early age. I just always knew I never wanted children despite everyone going “When you have your own”. As I grew older I came to realise more of the positives of having no children and it only cemented my resolve to never have them.

        • Lj says:

          Yep! Some people are just absurd!

          I have never wanted children, but I recall as a child just assuming I would have them some day, still the ‘want’ wasn’t there, I assumed that came along later.

          My boyfriend had no idea what people can be like about you not wanting children, until he met me that is. That was the first time he was going to weddings and birthday parties with a serious girlfriend. Needless to say, first wedding we went to his mate’s wife was incredibly rude “How could you possibly not want children? Having children is the best thing you could do. Why would you deny ‘X’ the chance to be a father?” Oh, the assumption that I am preventing my partner being a dad, how I hate that!

          • Rayne says:

            It’s all very rude and somewhat insecure.

            Whenever someone bingos me, all I hear is “Please validate my life choices by caving into the peer pressure I put you under to make the same choices as me”.

            How about no..

  11. Amanda says:

    lol love your response about having your own flesh and blood.

    I work in a daycare so I encounter questions a lot more than I think i might in another job setting. Oddly, it’s from the same people. If I didn’t want kids last week, asking me the same shit again this week isn’t going to result in an answer that I’ve changed my mind, but may result in an answer that speaks more of my mind. I already spent 40 hours a week around kids…I don’t want to come home to them too. (And sadly a lot of these kids actually spend 60 hours a week in daycare, so they spend more waking hours there than they do at home. If parenting was universally awesome there wouldn’t be so many leaving their kids hours past when they got off work or dropping their kids off on days they have off).

    • Rayne says:

      Good on you for basically raising other peoples children.

      The people who spawned my grumpy self (my parents) get so angry at people who say they need “private time away from their children”. I was a planned pregnancy and my parents adored having me around, that’s why they had me..

  12. Enola Knezevic says:

    Why are we supposed to justify ourselves? There’s no need whatsoever to have children.

    I’ve never heard of a non-selfish reason to breed:
    http://www.vhemt.org/whybreed.pdf

    • Rayne says:

      Come to think of it – neither have I.

      Parents of course, also don’t need to elaborate on or justfy their reasons to breed however some of them are shitter than others.

      I fucking adore the .pdf you attatched. May I link it elsewhere?

  13. Brian says:

    I have 2 goto responses for these questions:

    1) I’m scared my kids would turn out like you

    2) If I ever want kids, I’ll adopt. There are so many children without parents or good homes that adoption seems like a much better choice IF I ever want kids.

  14. JJ says:

    “Give” you grandkids? Do we OWE you grandkids? Why? Who made up that rule that you OWE your parents grandkids?

  15. Pingback: What I’ve learned as a childfree person Insufferable Intolerance

  16. Childfree researcher says:

    Hi there, interesting post. We’d love it if you (and followers) would participate in our research. If you’re keen, go to our blog site:
    http://thechildfreechoice.wordpress.com/category/taking-part-in-the-study/

    or email us at childfreeresearchers@gmail.com

  17. Pingback: The unappeal of parenthood - Insufferable Intolerance Insufferable Intolerance

  18. Pingback: Things the childfree know about parenthood that parents don't - Insufferable Intolerance Insufferable Intolerance

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  20. 950Serena4fun says:

    Oh gods i knew adding you to my reads was worth it – today you really made a medically infertile woman feel better right in the face of all the societal pressures and judgements. thank you – and video games forever :)

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