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Why I am childfree: A list
I often get asked why I don’t want children.
Answer: Because I don’t want them.
This answer seems to be a hard concept to grasp for most people – especially parents. Which is when the bingos start. Parents seem to have the delusion that just because they wanted to have kids/had an unplanned pregnancy/decided not to adopt/abort – everyone must feel the same. Which is not true.
So when a parent meets someone who hasn’t made the same choices as them – such as a childfree person, they assume either that person has a flaw or is undecided and needs a bit more convincing that parenthood is awesome. Purely on the bases that parenthood has been awesome for the parent completely disregarding the fact that the parent and the childfree person are two completely different people.
Very few parents I’ve met don’t care that you have decided to be childree but they are happy and secure in their choices. However I’ve found those that do care about your childfreeness resort to attempting to convince you have children via the use of bingos.
Bingos it seems, are a tool utilised by insecure parents to validate their life choices by using them to convince childfree people to make the same choices as them. The more people around them who have made the same choices – the better they feel about their own.
Previously I wrote a post on tips for parents who want to interact with childfree people. Today I’ll answer common bingos/questions/accusations from parents so I don’t have to repeat myself.
As you can see, a lot of the bingos are selfish and emotional blackmail.
Do you have children?
Because I don’t want them
Don’t you like children?
That question is irrelevant. I like blenders, I think they’re nifty but I don’t want one.
When are you going to have children?
Aren’t you leaving it too late?
When are you going to give me grandkids?
Never. Deal with it. My purpose in life is to be more than a breeding machine to satisfy your cravings for contact with grandchildren for a few hours every few weeks.
Why are you so selfish?
Making a conscious decision to not have a life long economic and emotional responsibility isn’t selfish - it’s called maturity.
Doesn’t your partner want children?
I only date childfree people
Who’s going to look after you (when you’re old, sick,)
A nursing home or doctor. Having children purely so they’ll look after you is selfish.
Why aren’t you doing your bit for society?
You mean overpopulation? Society will continue without me breeding. Has done for centuries
Why don’t you want to be a mother?
Because I don’t.
Who’s going to pay for your pension?
My superannuation. Having children purely so they can be used as a cash cow is selfish.
Who are you going to leave your shoes, house, clothes, worldly goods to?
Charity. Poor people need stuff too.
Aren’t you lonely?
Are you normal?
How can you not want kids?
Because I’m me and not you.
Don’t you like yourself?
I love me. Every night. What’s loving myself got to do with children?
Do you hate parents?
I love my parents.
What if your parents hadn’t had you?
Then I wouldn’t be here to listen to your stupid questions.
What’s wrong with you?
What’s wrong with you???
What about women who can’t have children?
Not my problem.
What else is there in life if you don’t have children?
Love, learning, a career. If you can’t see a life passed your children – that’s sad. Live for yourself.
Isn’t that what everyone does?
No. Having children purely because everyone else does makes you a sheep.
What’s life if you don’t have kids?
A lot more than that.
What if everyone thought like you?
Well that hasn’t happened in 4 billion years.
Did you have a bad childhood?
Don’t you want to make your mother/father grandparents?
No. Not my responsibility.
Don’t you want a family?
Family is what you make it.
What do you spend your money on?
Books, food, books, cd’s, holidays, video games.
What contribution have you made to society?
2 university degrees, a long work history, volunteer work, taxes.
How can you deprive your partner of a child/children?
I only date childfree people.
Why aren’t you fulfilling your nurturing role?
I’m more than a breeding machine. I can nurture cats.
Don’t you want to have your own flesh and blood?
I do. It hangs off my skeleton.
Don’t you want to experience being pregnant?
No fucking chance. Having an developing fetus kick you in ribs? No.
Where’s your maternal instinct?
Not everyone has one.
How will you fill your life?
With whatever makes me happy.
When are you going to Grow Up?
Depends on your definition of grown up.
In conclusion parents: Stop trying to convince us that we need to take your path in life. It’s rude and implies you are insecure about your choices.
This article sums it all up nicely.
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