Alternative Medicine

Published on August 9th, 2014 | by Rayne


A Simple Guide To How Alternative Medicines Work

I posted this on my Facebook page and on my Twitter account. It seems to be popular so I thought I would post it here for everyone to see. If anyone has any to share – add them to the comments section.


Chiropractic: believes illnesses come from unbalanced invisible forces in the nervous system & treats illnesses by cracking a your back.

Feng shui: The idea I will become wealthy by moving my living room furniture around into certain positions.

Iridology: The alternative medicine that says disease and illness can be diagnosed by looking really closely at a persons eyes.

Magnet therapy: The idea magnets can treat pain by placing them on your body. Even though nothing in the body can react to magnetic fields.

Homeopathy: The thought placing drops of magic water on your tongue can treat cancer even though it wouldn’t treat dehydration.

Reflexology: The idea that rubbing my feet will cure disease by making an invisible force inside my body balanced and happy.

Coffee Enemas: The idea that shoving coffee up my arse gets rid of waste better than pushing it out of my arse.

Cupping: The alternative medicine where I get hot cups on my back to create ugly welts. These welts magically do the same as trained doctors.

Astrology: The idea the time my mum pushed me out of her vagina and where Earth was in the Universe somehow determined my personality.

Acupuncture: An expensive BDSM session where you get needles stuck into your body to pretend to cure cancer but orgasms aren’t included. (Note: Orgasms aren’t compulsory in BDSM play however at least I can request orgasms while getting needles stuck into me..)

Crystal Healing: The idea that polished minerals sold for $2 at vitamin stores have the power to do the work of highly trained doctors.

Reiki healing:The arrogant thought one has the power to heal people without touching them invented for people with the need to feel special.

If I’m going to get fucked out of my money with bullshit that doesn’t work – I should at least get dinner and an orgasm for my trouble.

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